sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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