All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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