I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just forgot I was standing up.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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