Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
There r osticjed everywhere
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
