So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
