Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
