We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
