You really coming over, don't trick.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
