If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
