I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
