Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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