Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
