quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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