I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
