let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
