Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
