Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
