I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
