This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
