God, you're like boner-b-gone
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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