I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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