I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
