Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
