I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
