He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
