I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize