just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
