I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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