So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
