All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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