I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
