dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
