I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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