i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Duck Duck Cougar?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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