Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
