I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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