I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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