omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
