i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
