I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
