I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
