I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
