I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
