I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
