Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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