I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Someone came in the potted fern
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
