youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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