STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Randomize
