My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
dude i'm inner monologue high
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
it's like iHOP with fire
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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