my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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