You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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