did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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