Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
