I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
