My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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