Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
