Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
