Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
