Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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