Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
True but thats because hes a fetus.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
