ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
