They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
