Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
