Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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