I hope mine doesn't look like that
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
