i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
