If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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