I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
