Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
