god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
