party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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