Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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