i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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