you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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