Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
