You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
