I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
