i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
