Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
