I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
