so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
